Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
