dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
