Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
