You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
People in love make me want to vomit
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The uberlube is also flammable
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
