I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
try to milk me bitch
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