Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
