barbara walters just said penis...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
