If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
