oh god the rape fog is back!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
