I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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