Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
