Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
