But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
