my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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