She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
