Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
