a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
