everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
