Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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