Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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