I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
