I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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