someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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