That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
