It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
