Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
