He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wear drunk well.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
