he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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