these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
