So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
