Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
