You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
