About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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