If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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