just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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