I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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