I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
