my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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