Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
