Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
