Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
