I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
