i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
