Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
high people should be assigned attendants
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
