Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
