Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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