nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he had hair everywhere except his balls
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
