Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my shit smells like andre
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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