a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
