Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
