When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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