Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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