my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
