Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
