yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
